For today's Elf 4 Health challenge, the charge was self-love times six. Meaning list six things you love about yourself.

This is again an opportune time for this challenge, since I have had the aforementioned motivation troubles and some body hate since I've gained weight (really only a handful of pounds as I've found out) since I haven't been running lately.

So, with this in mind, I will do some self-gratification and be anti-humility and talk about me for a while.

So what do I love about myself?

1. My strength and resolve. Three years ago, I don't think I ever would have imagined having the strength to lose the weight I did. I didn't have the drive, I didn't have the desire, I was in a deep hole of "well, I can't do anything about this, I guess I'll just always be fat." Losing weight and challenging myself revealed to me a tremendous amount about myself. I am stronger and more determined than I could ever know.

2. I have to say, I love my humor. I can walk into a conversation and get people laughing. I'm funnier on the fly, so writing it might not come across as much since I overthink my writing, but in conversation, I'm a quick wit. I'm grateful for that. I think a sense of humor is so important.

3. My strength in my profession. I am damn good at what I do, and everyone in my organization knows it.

4. My determination. A lot of people would balk at the prospect of working full-time (sometimes over 50 hours a week) and also going to graduate school at an institution like Northwestern University while juggling 20-some miles a week (when I run), but I do it. I don't know how, but I do it. I do it because I know all of it will make me better.

5. My body. Yep, I'll say it. Nope, it's absolutely not perfect. Far from it. Since losing weight, I've got loose skin all over the place, I've got the ghosts of old stretch marks from gaining weight, and I don't think my thighs will ever be smaller than they are (blame the childhood of figure skating) but it is a whole lot better than it was. It's more fun to shop for this body too. And I worked really hard to get it. It feels sort of nice to have worked for this rather than be one of those people who just has those genes where they can eat a whole pizza and not gain a pound. While that would be nice, working for it ensures that you don't take it for granted.

6. This sometimes is also a fault, but my unfailing need to not disappoint people. Disappointing people is one of my very least favorite things in the world. It is a horrible feeling to know you've disappointed someone, particularly if it is someone close to you like a family member, friend, or even a coworker. I try very hard to make sure I don't disappoint people. It is a fault at times like I mentioned beause it means that I can really overextend myself in terms of the lengths to which I go in order to make sure I don't disappoint people. However, it does mean that I'm at least a mildly decent person to not want to disappoint anyone!

And there we have it. You know, going through that self-love list and really thinking about my answers, I got a little ego boost. It felt nice to think about things that I am really good at or that are really good qualities about myself.

What do you love about yourself?

Today's #Elf4Health challenge is to write a list of 20 things for which we are grateful. It's perfect timing for this challenge.

I haven't written a lot of posts lately mainly because I haven't run a lot lately. I've run maybe three times in the past month. I'm struggling with motivation right now and am going through a rough patch mentally and stress-wise.

Additionally, for the past few weeks, my 91-year-old grandfather (my father's father) has been in the hospital. He is my last remaining grandparent, as we have already lost both my mother's parents (in 2001 and 2004) and my father's mother (2006).

My grandfather lost one kidney's function several years ago. Last week, after being in the hospital for a few days, doctors discovered three tumors on his remaining kidney, which was working at less than 50% function. It's the reason he had been bleeding and losing several units of blood a day. He was being kept alive with constant transfusions, but after the tumor discovery, the treatment options were quite limited for a 91-year-old. Surgery would be probably uselessly invasive and who knows how someone at his age and weakened state would react to anesthesia.

The decision was made to move him to hospice, which occurred yesterday. His move to hospice meant the immediate end of the transfusions. Doctors said that once the transfusions ended, he would pass within 2-5 days.

He lives in nearby Northwest Indiana, so I had been planning to make the visit to say goodbye on Saturday as it was. They moved him to hospice in the morning (we'd been expecting an afternoon move) so once my mother and I arrived, he was just settled into the hospice room.

He slept the whole day, but he woke long enough for me to talk to him for a bit. I am so grateful to have that last time with him. The first thing he did was thank me for the card, which I'd written to him as part of the "Write a hand-written note" Elf 4 Health challenge earlier this week. He told me to keep running, and I said I would. I intend to keep that promise.

Amazingly, despite his weakened state, he still had a lot of his wit about him. At one point he opened his eyes, looked at my uncle Art and said, "Art, you would have been a great athlete." As we were all cracking up, he paused and then said, "But you were too smart."

He was spouting out one-liners all day, albeit slowly and in a muffled tone that at times was difficult to understand. It just shows you the kind of man my grandfather is. Barely conscious and he's still as sarcastic as ever. He is a wonderful man, so generous and compassionate and kind. He will be very much missed.

With that in mind, here is my gratitude list. I am grateful for:

1. The time I had with my grandfather before his passing.
2. My wonderful family, who I got to spend a lot of time with yesterday. There are some family members that I had not seen in a long time because of how far away they live. Particularly my uncle Art and aunt Trisha. My uncle Art just had surgery last week to remove his prostate due to prostate cancer, and he still got on a plane from Boston to say goodbye to his father. My family is truly remarkable and I'm so happy to have had that time.
3. My beautiful home, which I own.
4. My great job, at which I am truly valued and trusted.
5. My friends, who have shown an outpouring of wonderful support during this tough time.
6. My health, which I worked hard to achieve.
7. This beautiful city in which I live (OK fine so I live like a mile from the Chicago city border, close enough) and the community here in my town, particularly my running club.
8. My graduate school program, which is helping toward my dream of working in sports.
   
9. On to the slightly more frivolous things: the Washington Capitals.
10. Alex Ovechkin.
    
11. Coffee.
12. Relatedly, my Keurig.
    
13. Books and music.
14. Wine.
15. The Walking Dead.
16. Having a warm home on this snowy day.
17. Brooks running shoes.
18. My new printer that I just got which is pretty baller and you know, works.
19. Photography.
20. Musicals.

What are you grateful for this holiday season?